18th February 2017,
I am surrounded by all of this people, as well as, by all their different energies around them.
I am one of those quiet ones, you know, the ones that just look from a corner… It is hard to believe I exist, but when someone introduces to me I just come back to this planet and realise my existence is substantial.
The way you introduce yourself, to this world, is a crucial thing. You learn to know someone by just extending your hand and saying your name. That same instant you catch the energy of the other and start , unconsciously, exploring the vibe you are getting into your organism. As soon as they let go your hand, you have already judged them in the back of your heart. Just by the way they shook your hand, and how the glaze of their eyes penetrated yours. This process Is such an insignificant thing in our everyday life.
After that happens, the introducing thing, you enter the second phase. For me that is the most difficult one. That is introducing your voice. It is something that makes me feel extremely anxious. Because, from that moment on you will be judge by every word you say. Every word.
However, you’ve been taught, that as a person you must represent the best version of yourself. Even thought if it is not how you truly feel, or are. BUT when it happens to me, I cannot stop thinking in how to do it. Just the idea that I will be judged by the way my hand feels like, and the pressure I put in to shaking hands. Is terrifying.
I think that, that may be one of the reasons I do not like introducing myself in an explicit way. Because, then I cannot erase my words nor have control of the situation. Therefore when I introduce myself I am extremely conscious of all the words I choose to say, the way my voice feels like, how soft my hands are, if I need to smile or to look serious, to give a hug or not? And if I just can leave without saying anything.
Why do I put so much pressure on myself? I mean introducing myself is not just a “thing” that happens, but it is a meaningful, fragile happening. It can go either excellent or so bad that you will need to run away and never look back. But, at the end of the trip we all live in this planet where everybody has a name, but nobody knows themselves properly, so what is the worry?